The Golden Rule

There's a book that I remember that said that everything we need to know in life we actually learn in kindergarten.

1. Don't Hit

2. Don't Lie

3. If your feeling cranky and irritable, remove yourself from everyone else till the mood passes

4. DO UNTO OTHERS AS YOU WOULD HAVE OTHERS DO UNTO YOU...

Okay maybe that wasn't kindergarten, it may even be religious, but isn't it the truest thing around? The principle of empathy, do unto others as you would have them do unto you.

In recent weeks I have had to balance the public good and my inner core beliefs, and happily its my core that won out. Some things are non negotiable.

When I was diagnosed with cancer, it was as if one of my legs had been knocked out from under me. Yes I was standing, but boy was I wobbly. I could have fallen over at any moment. That is the way it has been for close to 6 years, over and over again. Each time when things got tough my family, Fern and my friends were by my side. During the interminable interval between scans and results, when I am far from being my best, Fern and my friends have been at my side.

When I needed to fly to Sloan Kettering for consultation, Fern and my cousins Rose & Arthur were by my side. Without hesitation, without question, you have been at my side the whole way. You have always been the other leg to stand on.

Now as I enter the final week before the ride, I realize that somehow the focus has become about me and my achievement, and frankly I am not comfortable with this. Standing again on 1 leg alone, and way to wobbly. So let me reiterate in the clearest terms possible. My participation in this ride is thanks to you. You my supporters my donors, my friends, my family and particularly Fern are the sole reason I have found the courage to undertake this mission.

Together we have achieved the financial goal and from you I have found the inner drive to train and ride in some difficult moments.

I look forward to next week and having Fern at my side, where he has been for 17 years, 6 of them in this hellish cancer battle. Riding with Lance, but partying with Fern- the way I would have it done unto me.

THANK YOU EVERYONE...WE HAVE ACHIEVED OUR FINANCIAL GOAL, NEXT WEEK I PEDAL FOR ALL OF US - STURDY WITH BOTH LEGS.

The Survival Gene

I now know where I come from.

I wonder if it's because I never asked, never listened, or because my parents never talked about it. I really knew so little about my parents early lives. Although I knew that they were spared most of the atrocities of WWII, the reality of their lives had somehow escaped me.

Our trip to Israel allowed me the chance to watch, to listen and to learn...and now I understand.

When I was diagnosed with cancer, my father's reaction was far from predictable. Yes he was sad, yes he was frightened, but more than anything else he was angry. I know he was angry at the cancer, but he would yell at me on the phone. It actually got so bad that I had resolved not to speak to him anymore as I found it too painful. My father wanted me to fight, to survive, to commit every living moment towards this battle. He was terrified that I would be complacent, that I would allow someone else to control my destiny. My words fell upon deaf ears, nothing I could say would change his feelings. Now I know why.

They never had the luxury of complacency. They never had the luxury of trusting their lives to someone else. As I listened to my parents surrounded by their friends in Haifa, it dawned on me that apart the obvious we had something else in common, a story of survival.

They made and remade their lives 4 times; as children, young adults, newlyweds and finally with us as a young family. Each time the challenge was confronted with the certitude that they would succeed if they committed all their energy to the task at hand.

"Commit all your energy to the task a hand." That is what my father kept telling me on the phone. " Do whatever you can, do everything you can".

Over the last 5 1/2 years many people have commented on my attitude and the way I have confronted the cancer. I really didn't know any other way. Some people have asked me about the logic of undertaking this ride. I really don't know any other way.

I guess that it's true when they say the apple doesn't fall far from the tree.

Thanks Abba, Thanks Ima for giving me the survival gene.

2 Weeks left and I promise to commit all my energy to the task at hand.

10 * 10 *10 - A NEW PROJECT

A wise man said " If not me ...then who, If not now....then when?"

We control not only our destiny but the future of others. Today as 2000 walkers take to the streets of Montreal it seems appropriate to tell you about a project that I have been working on for a few months.

10 * 10 * 10 - The Cedars Cancer Challenge.

I am looking for a team of 30 brave individuals that are looking to challenge themselves both physically and emotionally. Join me on October 10, 2010 as we begin a week long adventure with a 2 day ascent of Mount Kenya. Yes, that's right, Mount Kenya...in Kenya.

This will be followed by a Mountain Bike Descent and then a walk/ride through the Kenyan landscape guided and encouraged by the cheers and songs of the Masai Warriors.

My trip to Africa in 2008 left me a changed person, this challenge will be a life changing moment in your life. We will challenge our physical selves, we will find the harmony in nature and learn about the peace and tranquility of the Masai people.

This is not an adventure without cost. It will require $$$, but more importantly it will require your commitment, your energy and your sweat to reach our financial goal of raising 500,000 as a team. It also involves a commitment to getting yourself fit and ready to challenge your body and your soul.

I have a plan, I have ideas, and now it is time to find the team. To find the 30 people who will work together for 1 year to attain our financial goal and the physical goal of reaching the summit of Mount Kenya and crossing the finish line with our Masai friends.

If not me then who??? I not now then when??? - Time is fleeting. for years I have believed in he simplicity of the Field of Dreams.." Build it and they will come". Together we built Ca Marche, we built Au Coeur de la Mode, we built Heroes Night.....now we build

" The Cedars Cancer Challenge". We will need a big team to realize this dream.

I look forward to giving you more details as the time comes...but let me know if you are interested .....LET THE CHALLENGE BEGIN.

The ride with Lance is in 3 weeks. As you can see I have already begun to look to the future.

Setting new challenges, new objectives. Thank you to all who have contributed to the Tour de Lance. I am still in training and will be pushing hard to make you proud...Thank You.

Unfinished Business

We are closing into the home stretch. Three weeks until the big day. Three weeks until we ride with Lance Armstrong, but more importantly three weeks until we raise the money we need for Cedars and the cause.

It nags on me to have unfinished business. My father always had this long list of things that he needed to do, things that were unfinished and I have always wondered how me managed not to be panicked by its neverending length. I like things to get done and then move on...new projects new ideas.

As you may remember a flat tire left me with my own unfinished business. So my first ride after the holidays needed to settle the score. I left the house headed out west along the Lachine Canal, out to St. Charles, up to Gouin and then along the beautiful area of Ste Genevieve, Senneville, Ste Anne De Bellevue, and then home along the river. 72kms with a break at km 48. It is a wonderful ride and then came home, got dressed and went to work. I was thrilled to have accomplished the ride, but truthfully I was happy to deal with the unfinished business.

Unfortunately, having cancer is a constant state of unfinished business.

I have always promised to tell the truth in my blog and we all know that sometimes the truth is painful. It is exactly 1 year since 4 letters changed my life. 1 year since I was diagnosed with the last cancerous tissue. While discussing the planned surgery the doctor was happy that the 1mm cancer growth was on the exterior edge of the remaining kidney and said " It's in a great place and we have to remove very little of the kidney which gives us room WHEN it comes back". He didn't say IF he said WHEN. It was not his fault, he was probably being completely honest and truthful, but those 4 letters W H E N have been very heavy on my heart for 1 year.

Emotionally it set me way back. It felt like the door to hope had been slammed in my face. I could no longer live under the lighter cloud of IF, I was now covered in the greyness of WHEN.

This last year has been about dealing with this unfinished business. This ride is about adding 4 more letters to that word and changing WHEN to WHENEVER.

Feeling the strength both emotionally and physically to weather another storm...whenever.

It has not been easy, but thankfully my involvement with Cedars has allowed me to look beyond today, tomorrow or even the next 3 weeks. Looking forward to the creation of a modern comprehensive cancer clinic for men, women and children...ready to help and support them ...WHENEVER.

We still have much to do, more money to raise. I really need your support.

Please make the donation at www.tourdelance.ca click on riders and then make your donation.

Now is the time to tell your friends, your company, your family about the ride...I need all the help I can get. Thank You.

Hindsight

Well it's been 2 months since my adventure started. Two months since I spent way more money than I hand intended and asked you to join me on this latest challenge.

Some things have changed and some things I fear will never change.

1. I actually don't mind the spandex. I still don't get the overly colourful look at me stuff, that usually promote European companies that I don't know. I wonder if it's to give the impression that you actually are part of the Astana Team, but folks if you look at any of those people it is instantly obvious that the closest most of these people have ever been to being part of the Motorola Team is because they talk on one.

2. You get used to falling. Yes you do. You still feel stupid but the fear of falling has quickly dissipated. How many times you ask....4 and really no lasting scars.

3. You need to learn to fix your bike. They don't have roadside assistance (I see a business opportunity). The old days of fixing the tube are way over. Disposible. You travel with a spare tube and a canister of air to give you a quick fill. Okay, the back tire is trickier, and truthfully I haven't really done it, but I have all the stuff just in case!

4. Early morning is not the same for everyone. (That means you Joy)- I like cycling at 6:30 in the morning. It is cool, fewer people and it is quiet. I don't know but to me 11 am is not early.

5. Bugs are protein too. In June the Shad Fly problem along the canal is ridiculous. You need to filter through your teeth in order to continue breathing without inhaling a mouthload of bugs. Protein, they say you need it to restore your muscles.

6.Cyclists talk about cycling. You learn great tricks and you learn great routes that you would never know otherwise. People like to share, it feels like a club or sometimes....a cult.

7. Clip unclip, Clip unclip, Clip unclip...city cycling....I hate it.

8.Hills - It takes practice just like everything else. I firmly believe that I will never like it, okay the truth being told, I hate it, but I keep doing it because I hated piano lessons too and now I regret that I threw in the towel. Incidentally I find it helps alot if you allow your inner voice to swear the whole time.

9.The Big Question: NO CALLOUS. I don't know what it takes, but damn I am sure numbness is not normal. I realize I need to take a break every 40kms to let everyone rearrange and breathe. Assos of Switzerland is good but it actually deadens the nerves and then ....oh forget it don't ask you really don't want to know. But I did figure out the nod. I have noticed on my early morning rides that as you pass other cyclists they give you a small, curt, nod. Oddly I seemed to notice that it was coming from men. At first I thought it was to say good morning and then I realized- what they are really saying is "I understand...You can't feel them either".

Now when I pass a man...I nod back and smile.

10. I have an amazing team around me. YOU. It has been a joy. The riding, The blog. The entire process. It has been cathartic for me in my own recovery, and from the messages I have received, some of you have managed to laugh and cry along with me. Thank You.

And so I am on break for 1 week. Off to Tel Aviv and although I appreciated the suggestion Peter, no I have no intention of taking the Spandex nor cycling in 42degree weather. By the way if you have ever seen Israeli drivers you know that you wouldn't even have the chance to unclip before they run you down.

The picture above was from a Naked Cycling Even in Tel Aviv last month. Who knew?

So when I get back it will be the home stretch. ONE MONTH to the big event. It will be flat out training and fundraising. We still need to reach the 25,000 target so it will take a lot of work. If you know anyone who would like to donate in the interim please ask them to join me at www.tourdelance.ca by selecting the riders and choosing my name. It would be greatly appreciated.

The Legacy

Today Lance Armstrong placed 3rd in his return to the Tour de France. The media reports that his 3rd place finish does not come without disappointment and recriminations. I can't help but wonder what will actually be his legacy.

In 100 years will Lance Armstrong be remembered for the 7 Tour De France wins or for Livestrong? Will the record have been shattered by another great champion? Perhaps, but in my mind his achievement with Livestrong will not only never be equaled, it will be the enduring legacy.

Livestrong has given cancer patients a voice. The yellow wristband is recognized worldwide.

Today in the final leg of the Tour, numerous riders from other teams were wearing their Livestrong bracelet. I was moved and again felt the silent solidarity one feels with other cancer patients and their family.

This week we celebrated life together with a lunch at Bice featuring Caroline Rhea. We laughed and we recognized the formidable battle that Terry has undertaken. Oddly enough, although we know many people in common, it was cancer that brought us together.

We began with small courteous emails a few months ago, extending a cyber hug and smile. We became Facebook friends and supporters for the Tour de Lance. Each time our circle of friends continued to crisscross, we would smile, amused at the smallness of our world.

Through a bizarre twist of fate our pas de deux became a trio. Our worlds collided around Bev and now we were three. Three different cancers, 3 different people, same end result. All 3 of us had surgery at the same time, and only this spring did it even connect that we all knew each other. How weird is that you are saying???? Plenty weird.

Fast Forward to this week where I met Terry for the first time, and Bev saw Terry for the first time in many years. Knowing hugs, knowing glances, knowing smiles.

So Lance if you ever read this post, rest assured that in the long run today's 3rd place finish may have been a disappointment but for us it really makes no difference.

You gave us a voice, you gave us hope. You encouraged us to not only live, but to LIVESTRONG. The three of us are a testament to the work of your foundation.

Have no doubt this will be your legacy, and for that you will always be in First Place.

I must be crazy.

When I was growing up no one went to see a psychiatrist or psychologist. I remember my parents saying "You've gotta be crazy to see one of those". Not to mention, the images that we saw on television were usually frightening (lobotomies, shock therapy), and the psychiatrists were loonier than their patients. It was only in the late 1970's that pop psychology surfaced and although most of us took it in University, the stigma of actually going and consulting someone remained.

I always enjoyed the magic trick of pulling out a tablecloth and leaving everything perfectly in place. Well, when I was diagnosed with cancer it was as if the tablecloth was pulled and everything came crashing to the ground...no magic, just reality.

I knew I needed help.

My first attempt was through group therapy at a wonderful place, Gilda's. As the only male at the initial meeting I sat around a circle with about 10 women as we introduced ourselves and spoke of our cancer. It became apparent that this was not going to work for me. Firstly , I realized that most of these women had breast or uterine cancer and had much in common. I was clearly odd man out, "Kidney, how rare!" Frankly I took no solace from being in a room full of sad, crying, people. I couldn't wait for everyone to stop talking. It occurred to me that men and women don't necessarily succeed in similar therapies. Men probably won't sit around in a group and discuss how their Prostate Surgery has created sexual dysfunction. Maybe I'm wrong but I doubt it.

So my next step was a referral to a very nice social worker, who unfortunately knew nothing about cancer. The conversation quickly went downhill when her first question was " So you must be worried about Chemo?", "No I answered my cancer has no treatment, I pray that surgery will work as they have not developed a chemo or radiation that works on my type of cancer." She was shaken and taken aback and redirected with "How do you feel about dying".... needless to say we never saw each other again.

Thankfully I met a trained Oncological Psychiatrist to whom I did not need to explain my cancer issues, and who had seen other cancer patients and knew that my prognosis was probably not imminent death. Over the next few months, I laughed, I cried (a lot), and somehow made relative peace with my situation. Thank you Dr. Hoffman.

Throughout my 4 hospitalizations I have come to realize that we do a great job healing the body, but not such a great job healing the soul.

It's the soul that wakes you at 3am trembling in your bed.

It's your soul that is frightened like a 5 year old each time you put on a hospital gown.

It's your soul that sometimes wants to give up because you're just not sure how many more times you can put your family and friends through this hellish ride.

Last week I had my latest CT Scan and in the cubicle waiting next to me were a couple clutching hands as he waited his turn. As I was called I looked in and told them "The Scan is really not bad, you'll be okay, just believe you'll be okay", they both thanked me and off we went.

For the last 3 years I have been an advocate for a comprehensive program in Psycho Oncology. I believe we need a program that can address the needs of Children, Women and Men with huge variety of techniques and treatment types, that combine psychology, psychiatry and volunteerism.

On September 11, I ride with this mission in my mind, and as another step in the healing of a wounded soul.

I still need to raise $10,000 so if you know anyone who may be interested in contributing to the ride please ask them to join me at www.tourdelance.ca go to riders and click on my name.

Every donation matters. Thank you.